


A Modern Man

by Alisanne



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-02
Updated: 2015-04-02
Packaged: 2018-03-20 20:19:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3663645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alisanne/pseuds/Alisanne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p><b>Challenge:</b> Written for GrangerSnape100's prompt 13: glittery ho ha/tally wacker challenge.</p>
<p><b>Warning(s):</b> Utter silliness.</p>
<p><b>Beta(s):</b> None. Poke me if you spot anything.</p>
<p><b>Disclaimer:</b> The characters contained herein are not mine. No money is being made from this fiction, which is presented for entertainment purposes only.</p>
    </blockquote>





	A Modern Man

**Author's Note:**

> **Challenge:** Written for GrangerSnape100's prompt 13: glittery ho ha/tally wacker challenge.
> 
> **Warning(s):** Utter silliness.
> 
> **Beta(s):** None. Poke me if you spot anything.
> 
> **Disclaimer:** The characters contained herein are not mine. No money is being made from this fiction, which is presented for entertainment purposes only.

~

A Modern Man

~

“Congratulations. Granger’s an accomplished witch.” 

“Thank you.” Severus inclined his head. 

Lucius coughed. “She’s also quite modern.” 

Severus raised an eyebrow. “Your point?” 

Lucius smirked. “I hear modern witches...decorate themselves.”

Severus smirked back. “She has no tattoos.” 

“You’ve checked?” 

Severus said nothing.

“They even decorate their...intimate bits.” 

Severus coughed. “How--?” 

“Draco and I talk.” 

Severus snorted. Draco avoided women’s intimate bits whenever possible. “Again, your point?”

“I’m just preparing you, old friend, so you’re not...shocked when you finally do get a chance at intimacy.”

Severus changed the topic, but long after Lucius left he pondered his words.

~

“People actually do this?” Horrified, Severus eyed the box. Proclaimed as a ‘P or V-jazzling kit’, it contained assorted glitter and several ‘pattern suggestions’ for ways to decorate one’s tally wacker. 

The attendant smiled. “It’s all the rage amongst younger witches and wizards.” 

Severus sighed. “How much?” When the attendant named the price, it made him choke. 

“We have a scaled down version for those on a budget.” The attendant smirked.

Severus huffed. “I’ll take this one.” 

“Excellent choice!” After he’d wrapped it up, the attendant winked. “Sweet, glittery dreams.” 

It was all Severus could do not to hex him. 

~

Dinner was going well. Hermione cooked, Severus provided wine. Over pudding, they traded lustful looks. Severus’ heart thudded in his chest. 

“Let’s take this somewhere more comfortable,” Hermione murmured.

“Indeed.” 

She led him to her bedroom, decorated with floating candles, and as they kissed and undressed each other, Severus almost forgot his preparations. 

Until Hermione stroked his tally wacker. “What--?” She held up her hand, covered with glitter. “Severus?” 

Severus coughed. “It’s...all the rage?” 

“Not with me.” Smiling, Hermione drew him towards her bathroom. “Shall we wash that off so I can see the real you?” 

Severus exhaled. “Acceptable.” 

~


End file.
